Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
