I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
