it was like his penis was on wheels.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
