Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
