you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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