Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
