You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize