So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
