me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
