We got so high we made milksteak
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I love you. Go after that dick
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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