if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
