i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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