fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
