if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Randomize
