Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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