His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Every concussion has its silver lining
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
