So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
