I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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