I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She's the barista slut.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
