he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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