Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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