i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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