Kiss
Puke
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
