I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
