i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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