I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
