i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
