I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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