the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
