how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
