Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize