I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
