Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
