I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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