North Korea, Best Korea!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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