We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
as a side note pls kill me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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