someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
