oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
