Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
