he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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