just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
