whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
