I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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