Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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