So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
