I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
