He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
