i need an iv and a liver transplant
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
