bring money and cleavage
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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