he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
