He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
