Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
