he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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