if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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