hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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