we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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