So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
