he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
