No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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