she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
