a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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