dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
