I wanna bring you to show and tell
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
