$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
