Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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