i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
