The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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