ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
