He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
