I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
