i love accidental penises.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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