Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
