I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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