The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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