fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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