i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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