Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
