i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
