Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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