her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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